Ahh, so long away.  I volunteered to work as a counselor at a camp for underprivileged children; what an amazing experience.  As a dancer and soldier I rarely ever get to work with children and people with cognitive disabilities.  It was rewarding and refreshing.
A lot has happened over the last few weeks.  I think I am getting back together with my ex.  I can't recall if I got into a lot of detail about him, but if I haven't that will for sure be an entry for another time.  I'm not sure how I feel about this, for many reasons aside from our marred history.  He was initially very supportive of my second job choice, but once I told him I started dancing his support was not as... firm as it was when it was just an idea.  We talked a lot while I was at camp, sent emails and worked through some issues we had.  It seems that we are both just in a good place to be with someone right now.  The only contentious issue was my stripping. 
The more I thought about it the more unsure I became.  Do I really enjoy it, do I really want the stress and stigma associated with it, do I need/ make/ want the money?  The last night I worked was a JUNK night so junk.  I was negative by the time I bought gas and cashed out.  There were about 15 girls and 5 guys.  I had decided that I would try a new club.  By the time I came back from camp and had a couple of weeks around the innocence of youth (well I use the term innocence loosely) and dealt with the negative reaction of my ex/ boyfriend (although I refuse to let him know that I think of him this way yet) I was not super motivated to go flush away the daily stresses and make some extra cash in a pants free zone.  I really love not wearing pants. 
Eventually I psyched myself up to tell my ex that I would dance that night, and check out a new club to see how I feel.  I felt as great as I always do after.  He was less than thrilled and told me when we advance our relationship he wants me to stop.  It's kind of a buzz kill. 
Am I setting myself up for a jealous controlling relationship by stopping because this guy wants me to?  This guy couldn't respect me enough when we were married to stop seeing the girl with whom he was cheating on me. 
Am I as much of a fool as I fear I am by believing that he is in a different place?  He does seem to be different. 
Maybe this is the kick I need to make me stop.  I couldn't commence a romantic relationship and TELL the new guy why I'm busy a couple night per week.  Although, between the army and stripping the male gender has lost a lost of appeal.  Not that I'm "becoming" gay, just that...  ahh who cares anyway.  I mean it is better that I stop sooner than later, the longer you do something the more likely someone will find out you're doing it.
Ok new club, new/old man who never left life is becoming important in my life again, and no change on the day job front.
At the new club the poles spin.  I thought I would love that, but I'm not sure.  Hahah I fell over on my heels on the floor last night.  Thank god it wasn't on stage.  I think I like the new club though.  It's more expensive to dance there, and they want more days a week (I'm hoping to skate by on two still) but I think that the money will be better because of the number of tourists.  I won't dance long enough to get regulars I don't think so I'll prey on travellers ;)  Someone touched my pussy last night... I've never seen anyone look so scared. I really think it was an accident; he was so stoned he probably temporarily forgot he was at a strip club.